anger management...

yesterday, i felt this huge ball of fire burning inside me, a sudden anger juz swept over me and i found out tat i cannot contain it and decided to pour out everything here... in the end, i could not find peace within me even after i post it up and then later deleted the post because i noe tat it does not glorify God...

after tat, i went n take a warm shower (i noe i m suppose to take a cold shower to cool myself down but the weather here doesn't permit it) and tat's when i hear a voice telling me,

"Why is it tat u can hate what other ppl did so much, but u can't hate the little things tat u do behind me?"

yes, i can be quick wif my emotions when i see unjust things happening, but y can't i be SO angry wif myself when the thought of not going to class or not wanting to do dishes or not wanting to shake hand wif ppl tat i tot were 'smelly' cross my mind?

maybe it's juz pms - post malaysia syndrome lah... wat were u thinking???

What would it cost me if i post this?

i think most ppl will be 'terasa' if i post this but trust me, this has nth to do wif u personally... it's juz my opinion, nth personal... if u take it personally then it's ur own risk... ahaha...

ok, i went to frankfurt on sat to fetch a bunch of juniors... then i stayed in radolfzell til sunday bcoz i wud like to spend some time wif them n shared some of my experience n also giv some advices n warnings of things to come so tat they can be mentally prepared... of coz there r other seniors as well n frankly speaking, different ppl hav different purposes to go there, the main one being - girls... haha

n of coz the highlight of the day being the placement results... actually i hav the least interest in it coz whoever my juniors are, i will treat them the same... but apparently for the others, they r quite keen to noe who are their direct juniors...

so when the results are out, i am actually surprised that some ppl wud be disappointed when they found out who their juniors are... i mean, does it make any difference who will be studying where? it is their own choice right? and wud u treat them differently if ur juniors were other ppl instead? this does not only apply to seniors who were there but also seniors who called afterwards asking - berapa cina, melayu or india?

come on lah...

we are all jpa scholars... we are so called, the future of malaysia... and i m actually surprise to find out tat ppl who asked the race of their juniors are actually ppl i tot who were broad minded... and one more thing tat bother me is tat they will blame other ppl because of the placement of juniors whereas it's all depending on their own choice n results...

once again, i wud like to emphasize tat this is NOT a personal attack on anyone, i juz wan to voice out my thoughts about this... finally i stil don understand the point of having how many cina, melayu n india juniors?

future leaders of Malaysia... wake up plz! Malaysia needs u...

3 major rules when going to a mission trip!

I was together with 500 people and 9 days in Latvia for a short term mission trip.

It was sth that i did not plan long enough or in other words - spontaneous. But i have to admit, it was worth it! Every single moment, even though it means sleeping on a thin mattress together with 20 girls on hard cement floor. And i manage to shower for at least 3 times! What an experience!

However being in Germany long enough to learn about how ze Germans try to structure everything and how we plan our week by the days and our day by the hours, it only took the organisers of the social mission trip 3 rules to put everything under control.

Rule number 1 - You do not get ANGRY! 

You do not get angry when your neighbours came into the room at half past two in the middle of the night. You do not get angry when the local latvian radio is on practically 24/7. You do not get angry when there is no timetable to follow and the school bell is the only thing u can count on to know when u shud eat breakfast lunch or dinner. You do not get angry when naughty kids are shouting at your ears while getting their presents. And not only that, you do not get angry at all!

Rule number 2 - Problems do not exist!

A problem will be a problem if u think it is a problem. And the word 'problem' was never even mentioned once in the new testament. Meaning, there is no such thing as cannot get a car for your fellow group mate who is a bit slow and has difficulty walking to send us to the most deprived area of the city to give out foodbags. There is no such thing as cannot organise technical equipment (video projectors, wires, laptop etc) to go to the nearest schools for Kids program. There is no such thing as cannot be patient or cannot dressed up as clowns to entertain the children who are coming for the Kids program.

Rule number 3- You are not going to get married here!

i mean, come on! we are trying to save the world here (or not) and of course there are nice, holy and godly people around you who you might accidentally be attracted to but push it down, all of the feelings, all of it! And thus it creates a safe environment of building (first) friendships (and only) and as a girl i do feel safe to just talk because of the open environment and not to withheld myself too much for the fear or misleading or giving false hints to our fellow brothers.

Overall to sum it up, the mission trip was a dream come true. There are expectations that are not fulfilled because of the huge numbers of participants but of course there are far more precious things that i've gained. I have learnt so much about myself and thus have more faith in the one who created me and to really believe that i can contribute and make a small change in a city.

Signing out

Pat

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